Never Look Back (Counting Stars Book 1) Read online

  Ryleigh sat up with her drink and put her hand on my shoulder. “I’ll help you. You will be a not boring person, Kels. I promise.”

  I giggled. She giggled. My head was swimming after that third drink. I wrapped my arm around Ryleigh’s shoulder and started feeling emotional. “I’m soooo glad Taylor sent me to you.”

  She turned to me, her eyes wide. “Did you almost die?”

  “Yes, I think…I can’t really remember right now. Did you almost die?”

  She nodded. “Yeah, I remember. I almost died.”

  I started crying hysterically. “I’m glad you didn’t die Ryleigh!”

  She started crying along with me. “I’m glad you didn’t die Kelsey!” Our drunken selves held one another, sobbing into each other’s shoulders.

  “What in the hell happened to you two?” A deep voice asked.

  My vision now turning blurry, I saw a distorted Spencer and Collin in front of us. “Don’t judge me or my past life!” I cried. Spencer noticed several empty glasses surrounding us and started laughing.

  “Holy shit Collin, they’re drunk.”

  Collin laughed loudly, making Ryleigh look up at him. She wiped her tears away and sighed heavily. “Collin, I love you. Like, really love you. And it’s totally the alcohol talking, but I’m being for real, right Kelsey?”

  I nodded, still crying. “She really, really, really loves you Collin. She like, hates Jessica. Dirty whore.”

  I could hear whispers between Collin and Spencer, and Ryleigh started giggling. “You said dirty whore! I’ve never heard you say a bad word before!”

  I stopped crying and started belly laughing. “Whore, bitch, slut. That’s what Jessica is, but not me or you. We’re not whores. Or bitches. Or sluts.”

  She laid back on the sand, clenching her stomach. “Stop! I’m going to pee my pants!”

  “Alright you two, let’s get you off the beach. Ryleigh you’re coming with me tonight. You aren’t in any shape to be alone.” Collin said, picking her up in his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck and looked down at me.

  “Where are you going Kelsey? You can’t be alone. Collin, Kelsey can’t be alone.”

  Spencer reached down and picked me up. I felt heavy in his arms.

  “She won’t be alone Ryleigh, go with Collin.” Spencer laughed.

  “PSST! KELSEY!” Ryleigh tried to whisper.

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m going to sleep with Collin. I want to take him to the top of the Empire State Building and rock his world!” She giggled.

  “But that’s in New York! And we’re in Mexico!”

  Ryleigh shook her head. “Doesn’t matter. I’ll build a new one. I’m still going to fuck his brains out.”

  Spencer chuckled. “Have fun Collin, you’re going to have your hands full.”

  “Make sure you use protection. If you don’t, then you’ll be dirty whores.” I told them both.

  “Alright. And with that we’re going to bed. Goodnight you two.” Collin said, taking Ryleigh towards his room.

  Spencer carried me to his room, occasionally kissing me on top of my head. “Spence?”

  “You ok Kel?”

  “Yeah. You’re not judging me are you? I don’t want you to judge me because I was a prude in my old life. I only had sex with one person in my old life. I haven’t had sex in my new life. I’m probably not that good. You don’t have to try to have sex with me because I’ll be really bad. Even though we shouldn’t have sex at all. I’m trying not to like you. But I do, even though it’s wrong.”

  He stopped at his door, putting me on my feet. I felt myself wobble back and forth as he searched for his room key in his pocket. I fell against his door, sliding down towards the ground.

  “Jesus Kel, you ok?” He pulled me up, holding me to his side as he slid his card into the card reader. The door popped open and he took me to his bed.

  “Spencer?”

  “Yes Kelsey?”

  I sighed. “I’m messed up. I think you should stay away from me. I’m like, really messed up.”

  He took my flip flops off and threw them on the floor. “How about you let me decide that?”

  “Spence?”

  “Yes, Kelsey?”

  “I need to pee.”

  He laughed this time, helping me into the bathroom. He shut the door behind him and I managed to relieve myself and cleanup for bed. I cracked the door open and smiled at him.

  “Hiiiiii.”

  He shook his head. “Hello.”

  “Can I have a shirt or something to sleep in? I don’t want to wear a dress to bed. It has sand on it. We were doing sand angels. Don’t judge me.”

  He reached in his suitcase and brought me a shirt. “Thanks.” I smiled brightly.

  I threw on his shirt, which was a few sizes too big, but made a good night shirt. I took the mouthwash off the counter and swirled some in my mouth. I didn’t want to sleep beside Spencer with nasty breath.

  I walked out of the bathroom and found him without his shirt on, only in his boxers.

  “Spencer…you’re almost naked.” I giggled.

  “Yes I am. I was almost naked out on the beach today too. How about you climb into bed, I’ll get you some aspirin and water.” He walked into the bathroom and shut the door.

  Is he mad at me? I told him not to judge me! I sat on the chair and crossed my arms. He came out with water and a bottle of aspirin.

  “What are you doing? Get in bed.” He said.

  I shook my head.

  “What’s wrong Kel? You going to be sick?” He asked.

  “No, you’re judging me.” I pouted.

  He put the water and aspirin on the night stand and crouched in front of me. “Kel, I’m not judging you. You’re just drunk, ok? We’ll talk in the morning, but for right now, you need to get into bed. I’ll take care of you. I promise I’m not judging you.”

  I sniffled, trying to hold back the drunk tears. “Are you sure? I can go back to my room. I don’t want you to judge me. I like you. Like, really like you. Not like Ryleigh likes Collin, but I still like you a lot.”

  He picked me up and put me on his bed. “I don’t want you anywhere else but in my bed right now. Now drink this and take the pills. I’ll hold you if you’ll let me.”

  I took the pills and drank all the water. When I was finished, he turned the lights off and pulled me against him. I sighed in contentment. He kissed my hair and wrapped his arms around my waist. “Goodnight Kel.”

  “Spencer, will you kiss me goodnight? I haven’t been kissed goodnight in a long time.”

  He rolled me over towards him, bringing my body against his. He ran his hand threw my hair and leaned down to kiss me gently. I moaned into his mouth, gripping him tighter. I brought my leg onto his hip, inviting him to get closer. He leaned back, brushing his thumb over my cheek.

  “Time for bed. We’ll try this some other time when you’re of sound mind.”

  I sighed and rolled over. “See? Totally judged me. Now you think I’m a whore.” I mumbled.

  He chuckled against me. “Night Kel.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Boom. Boom. Boom.

  “Ryleigh, stop it.” I mumbled, bringing the pillow over my head.

  Boom. Boom. Boom.

  “I said stop!”

  Boom. Boom. Boom.

  “RYLEIGH!” I heaved my pillow, but heard it smack against something hard. I carefully opened my eyes, finding a wall and a door leading to a bathroom. This is totally not my room.

  I quickly sat up straight, clenching my head at the same time.

  Boom. Boom. Boom.

  “Rise and shine, sweetheart!”

  I covered my ears before turning my head slowly towards the voice connected to the insanely happy person whose about to be murdered. Spencer was sitting against the headboard beside me on the bed, reading the newspaper. He was in his swim trunks and a plain white tee.

  A miserable groan escaped my throat. “What am I doing h
ere?” What in the world happened?”

  “You and Ryleigh got a little shit faced last night. I took care of you.” He smiled.

  I looked down my body, noticing only an oversized shirt covering my top half and a small portion of my legs. “Spencer…we didn’t-“

  “No, we didn’t have sex. You’re not a dirty whore.” He chuckled.

  Oh no. I’m hung over. My head…oooooh my head.

  “Please, make it stop.” I groaned.

  Spencer sat the newspaper on his nightstand and positioned himself behind me. His fingers magically rubbed threw my rats nest of hair onto my scalp, causing me to instantly relax against his chest. “You had a few too many drinks with Ryleigh on the beach last night. Do you remember anything?”

  I thought back to last night, recalling a few blurry memories. Don’t judge me. Dirty whore. I was a prude. My old life.

  A wave of nausea overcame me. “Spence…what exactly did I tell you last night?”

  He stopped rubbing my temples and moved in front of me. “You and Ryleigh told us how you really felt about Jessica.” He laughed.

  “Us? As in you and Collin?”

  “Yes. Collin is very aware that you and Ryleigh both think she’s a dirty whore. And how Ryleigh wants to fuck his brains out, in lesser terms.”

  I’m such a jerk. “I need to apologize to Collin.”

  “Nah, I think he probably thinks the same thing. I know I do.”

  “So…I didn’t say anything else?” Please say no…

  “Well, there was a lot of ‘don’t judge me’ going on last night. I thought it was hysterical.”

  I breathed a sigh of relief.

  “But what was all that ‘my old life’ crap about? And you and Ryleigh crying about almost dying?”

  And I’m pretty sure my heart just stopped beating. “Um…probably just the alcohol talking.” I said quietly.

  He didn’t say anything right away. He gave me an unsure look before turning away, leaning against the headboard. “You can tell me things, you know. Is that why you moved to Vancouver? Did something bad happen?”

  I couldn’t look at him. I focused on the wall in front of us, hoping he would drop the subject. He nudged me after not answering his question.

  “Yes and yes.”

  “Is that it? You’re not going to say anything else? I want you to be able to tell me anything Kelsey. I'm falling hard for this girl that I barely know, and its scaring the hell out of me. I'm a serial monogamist, and when I find someone that I want to be committed to, I want to know everything there is to know about her. I want to know your secrets, your fears, your dreams, your desires.”

  I couldn’t tell him. The pounding in my head was too much and the pressure of wanting to spill my guts to him was pushing me over the edge. I scooted off the bed, searching for my own clothes. I found my dress in the bathroom and changed quickly. I opened the door, and almost ran into him as he leaned against the doorframe.

  “I’m sorry if I pushed. I just want to help make you better.” He ran his hand threw my hair. He was trying to be helpful, but I needed to be alone for a while.

  “I have to go. I’ll call you later.” I walked past him, trying to find some much needed space. He called my name from behind, but I shut the door behind me anyways.

  I went back to my room to get a shower, but there was no Ryleigh. I cleaned up and decided that I wasn’t staying in this room all day until filming tonight. I went out and about in the resort and found a quiet spot on the beach. I sat on a lounger and laid back, attempting to push everything and everyone out of my mind for a short amount of time.

  Chapter Twenty

  “Come on Bec, you ready?” Wyatt called from the kitchen.

  Today is my twenty-first birthday. Wy and I are going out with Pres, his girlfriend Emma, and some of our friends from high school to celebrate. I came out of the bedroom and did a twirl for him, knowing how much he loves the skirt that I’m wearing.

  “Jesus Christ Bec…I don’t want to leave this house now.” He picked me up and sat me on the counter, kissing the top of the cleavage that was showing from my shirt. He ran his hands up my legs and I stopped him when he got to my opening of my short jean skirt.

  “Uh huh. We have to meet up with everyone. You can give me my birthday present tonight in the truck.” I whispered in his ear. He groaned in protest but sat me back down on the floor. “You’re going to get it so damn good later.” He promised.

  “You mean to tell me you’ve only slept with Wyatt? You’ve never had sex with any other guy? You poor thing!” Emma yelled over the music while she and I were dancing.

  I shrugged. “It’s all good, I’ve only ever wanted him anyways. He’s the only guy I’ve ever been attracted to.”

  Pres came running up to us, handing me another shot. “To my twin on our twenty-first birthday, we fucking rock!”

  I downed the shot, feeling the tequila burn the whole way down. Pres and Emma laughed at the face I made. I was more than tipsy now…I’m pretty sure drunk is the word. “HEY! Where’s Wyatt? I wanna dance with him!”

  I looked over Pres’ shoulder and saw Wyatt talking to a guy at the bar. I ran off the dance floor and over to the bar, bumping into him by accident. “Damn it Becca be careful.” He said, putting his drink down.

  “I wanna dance with you baby!” I grabbed his arm and tried dragging him out with me.

  He took his arm back, scowling at me. “I’m not in the mood. Go dance with Emma.”

  I pouted, leaning up onto him. “Please Wy? Then we can go to the truck.” I tried to say as seductively as I could.

  He rolled his eyes and pushed me off him. “I told you to back the fuck off. You’re so fucking annoying right now.”

  I put my hands on the sides of his face and turned him towards me. “What is your probl-“

  He pushed me so hard that I lost my balance and fell to the floor. Pres came running up when he saw me.

  “Looks like someone’s had a little too much to drink.” Wyatt laughed it off.

  Pres looked up at Wyatt, giving him an unsure look. “Yeah, so it seems. Maybe it’s time for Becca to head home. Are you ready to go?” He asked me.

  I nodded, looking at Wyatt. I didn’t want to go home with him. Not tonight.

  Wyatt pointed his beer bottle at me. “Do you mind taking her home, Pres? I’m going to stay out for a while longer.”

  Preston nodded at Wyatt. “Yeah, of course. Actually I think I’m going to have Emma take us to Mom and Dad’s so we’re there for the brunch they planned for tomorrow morning. Just meet us there tomorrow?”

  Wyatt agreed. “That sounds good. She’ll be out anyways before the time you get to your parents’ house.” He kissed me, then brought me close for a hug. “You tripped Becca, remember that.”

  I pulled back, refusing to look him in the eyes. “Let’s go.” I told Preston.

  On the way to Mom and Dad’s, Preston kept turning around in his seat to look at me. Finally he broke his silence. “Did he push you Becca? If he did I swear to God I’ll fucking kill him.”

  The anger in his voice scared me. I didn’t want him getting involved in my marriage. Besides, I was being the drunk annoying person. I shook my head. “No, I just lost my balance.”

  He gave me a weary look, then turned back to face the front. I closed my eyes, hoping that Pres didn’t expect anything…

  Chapter Twenty-One

  “Hey, you ok?”

  I opened my eyes, finding Collin in gym shorts and his shirt in his hand. Beads of sweat were rolling down his torso, over his abs. He had obviously been running.

  “Yeah, I’m ok. I’m so sorry for the way I acted last night and what I said about Jessica. I’m not drinking that much ever again.”

  Collin sat on the lounger beside me and chuckled. “You don’t need to apologize. I was entertained by you two last night. It was good to see Ryleigh loosened up and you actually come out of your shell.”

  I frowned. “I was co
mpletely rude. I shouldn’t have called your girlfriend…that. I don’t talk about people like that usually.”

  He shrugged. “It’s ok, really. Don’t stress about it. So how are things going with Spencer?”

  “I’m not so sure. I kinda ran out on him this morning. He wants to know things about me that I’m not sure I’m ready to share yet. I really like him, but I’m not sure he wants my baggage.”

  Collin was looking over the ocean when I brought my attention to him. “Can I be honest?”

  “Of course.”

  He turned to face me. “I’ve only known Spencer for three years. But I’ll tell you, I’ve never seen him happier than since you came here. Let him decide if he wants your baggage. It’s better to get it out in the open now and let him decide instead of waiting until later. He really likes you, Kelsey. I think you’d be good for each other.”

  He had a valid point. “Good point.” I smiled.

  “Thanks. Anyways, I’m going to finish my run. Ryleigh is back at your room bowing down to the porcelain gods. I tried to take care of her, but she wouldn’t let me. I think she’s embarrassed about last night.”

  “I’ll go check on her.”

  “Thanks Kelsey.” Collin kissed my cheek and continued his run on the beach.

  I knocked softly on the bathroom door. “Ryleigh, are you ok?”

  “No…” she whimpered.

  “Can I come in?”

  “No. I don’t like for people to see me puke.”

  I sat down and leaned my head against the door. “Collin is worried about you.”

  I heard her sniffle before answering. “I can’t talk to him. I told him I loved him when I was drunk.”

  “You were honest. By the way, I apologized to him for calling Jessica a dirty…you know.”

  “I did too…but I didn’t mean it.” She giggled.

  I laughed along. “I really didn’t either.” Her giggles soon died off. “At least he knows how you feel about him now. Maybe he will finally kick her to the curb now that he is aware that there is an amazing girl who feels the same about him.”