Chasing The BallGirl (FanGirl Series2) Page 8

  “I want to give you more. Just trust me.”

  “There is only one person on this entire planet I can depend on, and that’s me. I don’t put trust in anyone, so I don’t get disappointed.”

  “I’m telling you, I’m willing to try—”

  “Trying isn’t good enough for me, Ryan. I appreciate you being here the last few days and helping to take care of me. I would have been in really bad shape if you hadn’t come to check on me. I can’t thank you enough.” She took a deep breath before continuing, “And I am attracted to you. Insanely attracted. I’ll admit that I have feelings for you, but I refuse to let them go any further.”

  “I made a mistake the night of the gala, and I’m sorry. Please don’t hold that against me forever.”

  She thought about my words for a long moment. “I forgive you for the gala, but I think it’s best that we just leave this at friends. I’ll be graduating in a few months anyway, and you’re about to go off to spring training and start a new season. It’s really for the best.”

  “You’re scared. It’s okay to be scared.”

  “I’m not scared. I’m downright terrified of you destroying my heart. With how I’m feeling about you already, you have the power to do that, but I refuse to let it happen. So, no, we are never going to be a thing.”

  This wasn’t what I had expected. At all.

  I stood and nodded. “If that’s what you want, then we’ll leave it this way.”

  “It is.” Her face wasn’t convincing at all. “I think I’m okay to stay by myself now, so you can head out whenever you want.”

  I dressed and slowly packed up my things, hoping she would change her mind, but she didn’t. She stood by her door and watched as I put my coat on. She held her arms open, and I walked right into them, holding her close to me.

  “Thank you for taking care of me,” she said into my chest.

  “Anytime, sweetheart. Are you sure you’re okay?”

  It took her a long moment before she answered, “I will be.”

  I leaned down and softly brushed my lips against hers. I expected her to push me away. Instead, she kissed me back and let her salty tears fall to our lips. I pulled away far too soon for my liking, so I didn’t push it.

  “If you need me, call me,” I said before leaving.

  I’d never felt like fighting for a girl. I’d never thought it was worth it.

  But, son of a bitch, I was going to fight tooth and nail for her.

  This wasn’t over. Not by a long shot.

  Chapter Fourteen: Sammie

  “You know, for someone who almost has their doctorate, you’re kind of dumb,” Lexi said from the other end of the couch.

  My brain was fried from work today, and my body was physically still recovering from that nasty flu.

  Lexi had invited me over to watch the last few episodes of Supernatural I’d missed, but my head wasn’t into it. All I could think about was how big of a jerk I had been to Ryan. He had taken care of me while I was sick, and if it wasn’t for him, I would have likely ended up in the hospital—or maybe worse. His words and actions were aligning, but why couldn’t I let him in?

  “Why am I dumb again?” I asked, pretending to be really interested in the show.

  Although it’s hard not to be interested in Jensen Ackles.

  Lexi turned the TV off and threw a pillow at me. “Seriously? You’re going to act oblivious, too? Let me break it down for you, sister.” She turned me to face her, and she sat up straight. “Ryan Cruz is the hottest pitcher in baseball right now, and he is trying so fucking hard to get your attention, but you are just pushing him to the side like he is a piece of shit.”

  I sighed heavily. “Lex, it’s not that. I—”

  “I’m not finished,” she interrupted, and I quickly shut my mouth. “I understand that his history isn’t anything to be desired, and what he said to you when he left the gala was shitty. I get your concerns; I really do. But damn it, Sam, he took it upon himself to take care of you when you were deathly sick. He’s trying to show you he cares. Open your damn eyes. People make mistakes. They can apologize out of their ass. But their actions? That’s what really matters. The poor boy doesn’t want in your pants, sweetie. He wants in your heart.”

  I laid my head against the cushion. “Since when did you become Team Cruz?”

  “Since he spent hours harassing Carson and Melody for your phone number, since he searched every bar in the harbor and Fell’s Point to try to find you that one night, and since he stayed with you for several freaking days to take care of your sickly self. I think, if you were to give the boy a fucking chance, then you’d be Team Cruz, too.”

  After a few quiet moments, I shook my head. “When I was sick, I needed a shower. He got in with me because I had almost fainted before getting in. While we were in the shower … I kissed him. He warned me that he was close to just turning me around …”

  Lexi sat up on her knees. “Oh my God! You let him bone you in the shower? Shower sex is so damn hot!”

  “I wanted to, but he said no.”

  Her face fell. “Wait, wait. Ryan Cruz turned you down? For sex?”

  “Yeah. He said he wanted to prove to me that he was a better man and that he deserved me.” I closed my eyes and could still feel the sting of his rejection. “I know that I should have taken that as a huge compliment, but I was embarrassed. Hurt. I’ve wanted him so badly for so long, and when I finally had the opportunity to have sex with him, he turned me down. After that, I acted like I was mad at him. I dismissed his feelings and told him I didn’t want to give him a chance. I threw the damn gala in his face again. I told him he and I would never happen. Over the last few days, I’ve done nothing but replay what I said to him, and I regret every word.”

  “Sam, why did you lie to him like that?”

  “Because I’m scared. I already have liked him for so long. If he decides that he doesn’t want me and goes back to his old ways, it’s going to crush me.”

  Lexi crawled across the couch and hugged me. “We’re all scared, Sam. Heartbreak sucks big, hairy, smelly balls.”

  “I love your graphic description.” I laughed.

  “It’s a gift.” She shrugged. “But, if you give him a chance, it’s possible he could be the love of your life. You can’t let fear dictate your future. I was terrified to let Adam take me out. I had been burned once, too. But I would have always wondered about the what-ifs if I hadn’t taken him up on his date offer. I don’t want that for you. Don’t wait until it’s too late. He won’t be single and interested forever.”

  Everything she had said was true, and that was why it was so difficult to listen to it.

  In a year, in ten years, would I kick myself for not giving him a chance?

  He’d apologized, and he was right; everyone made mistakes. Lord knew I had. How would I feel if I hadn’t been given a second chance in those instances?

  Not wanting to talk about this any longer, I attempted to change the subject. “How are things going with you and Adam?”

  “There are growing pains, but I really like him. It’s a little more complicated when there is a child involved. I’m hoping things turn out okay.”

  “I’m hoping for the best for you,” I told her.

  “Thanks,” she mumbled. “So, I have to ask you something, and it’s okay if you say no, but I can’t think of anyone else to ask, and it kind of just came up and—”

  “Breathe, Lex. What is it?” I laughed.

  “Melody told me a few days ago that she’s going to be moving in with Carson when they come back to town in March. She told me I can stay here, but I can’t afford the place on my own. I know you are going to need somewhere to go when you leave college—”

  “Are you asking me to move in with you?” I grinned.

  “Yeah?” She grimaced, almost as if she was afraid I would say no.

  I wanted to make her sweat it for a few days, but with the look on her face, I wasn’t sure I could even hold of
f for a few minutes. “Well, it looks like I’m not going to get any of the team pharmacist jobs I applied for, so I guess I’m stuck in Baltimore. I suppose living with you would do,” I joked.

  She exhaled and fell back against the couch. “Thank you, sweet Jesus, for not making me pick a roomie from Craigslist. I didn’t want to wake up one morning, looking for waffles in the freezer, and find body parts instead.”

  “You still might.” I shrugged.

  Her eyes grew wide, and she quickly turned the TV back on, both of us turning our attention back to Supernatural. Except, no matter how hard I tried to concentrate on Jensen, my mind continued to drift to Ryan.

  I lasted a half hour longer before I couldn’t sit still any longer. I stood and grabbed my purse. “I’m going to Ryan’s,” I announced.

  Lexi stood with me and pumped her fist in the air. “That’s my girl! Put that shit on lockdown before he goes to spring training!”

  I grabbed the door handle and stopped when I remembered one vital piece of information. “Lex, do you know where Ryan lives?”

  She crossed her arms over her chest, and a mischievous grin came over her face. “I’ll give you his address if you tell me one thing.”

  This wasn’t going to be good.

  “What?”

  “Exactly how big is Ryan’s junk?”

  Chapter Fifteen: Ryan

  I couldn’t believe spring training was going to start in a few days.

  After the way things had ended the other night with Sam, I called Carson for advice. He might be a couple of years younger than I was, but he and Melody seemed to have their shit together. He recommended that I give Sam space and offered for me to come to Captiva prior to training. I decided to go down two days early, so I was going to leave in the morning.

  The thought of Florida’s warm sun and women wearing next to nothing would typically thrill me, but right now, I was just hoping it’d be enough to keep my mind off of Sam for a few days. I carefully placed the last stack of shirts in my suitcase and zipped it up, grabbing it and the other large suitcase. Both were full of clothes to last me for the next six weeks until I was back in Baltimore for the regular season. I put both suitcases in the living room and then retreated to the kitchen where I sorted through takeout menus for dinner.

  Fried chicken or sushi? That is the question.

  I looked out the windows of the living room and noticed the heavy sheets of rain pounding against the glass.

  Fuck that. Sushi it is. They deliver.

  After calling my order in, I plopped down on the couch and watched the rain fall over the city from the large windows of my condo. I felt a little guilty for making some delivery person go out in the cold rain to bring me food, but I figured I’d tip them well.

  I’d decided I’d let Sam finish school before I tried to ask her out again. I was sure she was stressed with graduation being so close and then having to take her boards afterward. I didn’t want to be an added stress, so I’d keep my distance until it seemed like her life had settled a little.

  The doorbell rang, startling me.

  “Shit, I know their name is Sushi Express, but there’s no way they’re that damn quick,” I mumbled to myself.

  When I opened the door, I found that I was correct; it wasn’t my dinner. In fact, it was the last person I’d expected to be standing on my doorstep.

  Sam was soaked to the bone from the rain, her plump lips quivering.

  “Shit, Sam. Get in here.”

  She didn’t move out of the assault of the cold rain.

  “Sam, what—”

  “Is it too late?”

  “What?”

  “Did you already move on because I was a bitch? I totally understand if you did because you’d apologized and poured your heart out, and I just turned you down over and over after you’d been amazing and caring and … I’m sorry.”

  My head was spinning from her run-on sentence, but more than anything, I wanted to bring her inside and get her in some warm clothes. “Sam, get your cute ass inside.”

  She shook her head. “I like you, Ryan. For almost three years, I’ve had this huge crush on you. Now that I finally have your attention, I’m scared to death. If I let you move on without seeing where this could go, I’ll always regret it. I’ve never had anyone make me feel like this. I didn’t know some of the things I’m feeling were even possible. I think of you more than I would ever admit, and when I do, my heart thumps against my chest so hard that it almost hurts. You took care of me when I was sick without even a second thought of getting sick yourself. I know you care about me, and I’m sorry I acted as if you didn’t.”

  I grabbed her by the waist and brought her through the door. In one swift motion, the door was shut, and she was pressed against it. I walked my body into hers, her wet clothes transferring water onto mine.

  “You are so painfully perfect that I don’t deserve you. I’m not going to break your heart, Sam, I promise.”

  She exhaled, her body visibly relaxing. Her eyes flickered down to my lips and then back to my eyes. “I really need you to kiss me like I need my next breath.” She put her hands behind my neck and guided me to her mouth.

  The weight that had been on my shoulders for the last few weeks lifted, and I finally felt free. Those were the best words a woman had ever said to me.

  I cupped her cheek in my hand and whispered against her lips, “Let’s breathe.”

  I intended for this kiss to be slow. Passionate. Appreciative.

  Sam had different intentions.

  The kiss was frenzied, teeth clinking together and tongues dancing erotically. Hands were pulling at clothes, and the hold she had on me was almost painful. It was impossible to get any closer unless I was actually inside her.

  Damn, breathing had never felt so good.

  I grabbed the hem of her scrub top and tugged it higher when a knock at the door stopped me.

  Her wild eyes bored into me. “Please tell me that’s not another girl.”

  I lowered her top back into place and quickly kissed her lips. “Open the door and find out.”

  Sam arched an eyebrow and then turned around. She flung the door open, looking as if she was ready to kick some ass.

  She’s hot as fuck.

  The delivery guy from Sushi Express stood on the doorstep with his eyebrows pinched together, taking in Sam’s wet look and my obvious excitement.

  I handed him his tip over Sam’s shoulder and took the bag. “Thank you. Have a great night.” I shut the door with him and Sam still in their staring contest.

  I put the bag on the kitchen table and turned back to her. She was looking down at the large puddle of water at her feet.

  “How about we get a bath and get you in some warm clothes before you get sick again?” I offered.

  Sam looked at the door and then back to me. “I can’t stay long. I have to get home. Tonight is my night to use the washer and dryer and—”

  I took three large strides to her and picked her up. “Like hell you are. You’re not going anywhere, Sam.”

  She wrapped her long legs around my waist and allowed me to carry her back to my room.

  “Don’t get undressed yet,” I instructed, giving her a long kiss. “I want to do it myself.”

  I led her into the bathroom and started the bath before turning back to her. I kissed her again, slower this time, and she melted right into me.

  “Arms up,” I told her.

  She did as I’d said, and I lifted her scrub top and long-sleeved shirt underneath over her head and dropped it to the floor. She was in a light-pink lace bra that made pink my new favorite color. Her small hands fisted into my shirt as she pulled it over my head. Her fingers ran over the planes of my abs, up my pecs, and back down again. She tugged me to her, and our mouths connected. I briefly wondered why in the hell I hadn’t gone all in for her much sooner.

  Her fingers ran over the coarseness of my beard, and she smiled against my lips. “I like the facial hair.”
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  “Yeah? I was going to shave in the morning.”

  “Don’t. It makes you look really hot.”

  “Decision made.” I chuckled. I noticed the tub was nearly full and turned the water off. When I looked back at her, she still had her pants and bra on. “You’re still half-dressed. This is an issue.”

  “I know. Aren’t you going to finish?” She put her hands on her waist and popped a hip to the side. “I’ve thought about you undressing me for almost three years, so I’d like you not to disappoint. And I thought you were a player …”