Never Look Back (Counting Stars Book 1) Page 6

  I quickly came out of my daydream, noticing Ryleigh waving a hand in front of my face. “Sorry, my uh…um…my mind went somewhere else. What’s up?”

  She crossed her arms, shaking her head. “You’re not thinking about Spencer are you?”

  I flushed. “Uh, no.”

  I know…I’m a liar.

  “Why?” I asked.

  She straightened her shoulders. “Good. The worst thing you could do right now would be to get involved with someone, especially a celebrity.”

  I gripped the coffee cup I was holding for Spencer a little tighter at that comment. “Oh, and why’s that?” I asked out of curiosity.

  “They’re a lot different than you and I. They date girls like Jessica because she’s the ‘Celebrity Type.’ You know, kinda like groupies. They have no self-respect and are only after those guys for their money. Girls like us date normal guys. Honestly, I think we’re too good for them. Besides, Spencer is a mess right now. He’s going through a divorce, his ex is insane, and I’m sure he’s going to be trying to hook up with anything on two legs since he hasn’t been single in over ten years.”

  Ten years? “How old is Spencer?”

  “Spencer is twenty-six. He married his high school sweetheart. Just…be careful around him. He’s really charming and good looking, I get it. But be sure to watch out for yourself first and foremost. The last thing you need is your heart broken.”

  Ryleigh being protective of me made me feel good. Since leaving home, I haven’t had support other than Detective Taylor. I gave her a smile, leaning my head onto her shoulder. “I’m not interested in getting involved with anyone right now. I have no room in my life for a man I need to take care of. For once, I need to take care of myself. Thanks Ry…you know, for the warning.”

  She put her arm around my shoulder. “Aww, you called me Ry.”

  I laughed as I walked away towards Spencer’s trailer.

  “Bye Kels!” she yelled. I waved at her before opening Spencer’s trailer. Spencer wasn’t there when I got inside, so I sat his coffee down on the table and began to read through the schedule of the day. Spencer showed up about ten minutes later, looking absolutely mouthwatering. How in the world can someone look that good at eight in the morning?

  Whatever…get ahold of yourself Bec…Kelsey.

  “Good Morning.” I said as brightly as I could. He grinned at me, shaking his head. “Are you a morning person?” he asked.

  I nodded, handing him his coffee. “Obviously you’re not.” I laughed.

  “Not even close.” He chuckled. He threw his coat on the chair and took a seat on the couch. I sat on the other end, picking up the schedule. “Ok, you need to be in hair and makeup by 9:20.” I began.

  “Can I see that?” He asked. I handed him the sheet of paper and watched him skim over it. He placed it back on the table and sat back against the couch. “Enough with work stuff. It’s too early for that shit. After I left last night I realized we don’t know much about each other. Tell me about yourself, Kelsey Franklin.”

  Crap. “Well…I’m twenty-four and I’m from Jackson, Mississippi.” Spencer’s eyes grew wide and began choking on his coffee. “SPENCER! Are you ok?” I started patting his back. I don’t know what that would do, but my mom would do that to Pres and I when we were little and we were choking.

  Finally catching his breath, Spencer shook his head. “You’re twenty-four? Damn it Kelsey, I thought for sure you weren’t twenty yet.”

  I smiled. “Yeah, I get that a lot.”

  “Shock of the day, that’s for damn sure. Ok, give me some more. What about siblings? Family? Pets? Your first love? I want to know my assistant.”

  Thankfully, I remembered what Ryleigh had said about starting over; you can become whatever you want. “I’m an only child. My parents died in a car crash a few years ago, no pets, and I had a high school sweetheart, but I’ve been single for a while.”

  That was easier than I imagined, and it scared me how easy it was to lie. Spencer’s expression was sad. “I’m sorry about your parents. Do you have any family back home?” He whispered.

  Tears flooded my eyes. I did have family back home, a family that I missed so much that it hurt. “No, it was just us.”

  Spencer put his hand on my knee, bringing his eyes to mine. “I’m sorry I made you upset, that wasn’t my intentions.”

  I brushed it off as if it didn’t bother me. “I know. It’s ok, really. Sometimes I just feel a little lonely. I’m glad I have Ryleigh now.”

  Spencer put his hand over his heart as if he were wounded. “Ouch, Kelsey. What am I?”

  I giggled, playfully pushing his shoulder. “You still have to prove you’re worthy enough to be in my life, Spencer. Just because you’re a hot actor doesn’t mean you get a free pass.”

  His eye brow shot up and a wicked grin came onto his lips. “Hot? You think I’m hot?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Anyways, what about you? Siblings? Family? Pets? First love? I need to know everything about my boss.” I mocked him.

  “Nope…not until you tell me if you think I’m hot.” He still had that stupid grin on his face.

  That stupid, ridiculously hot grin.

  “Spencer, really?”

  “Really. Just tell me the answer and we can move on.” He crossed his arms, making himself comfortable.

  I scoffed. “Fine, Spencer. Yes, I think you’re hot. You know you are, so it’s not that big of a deal. Can we move on now?”

  “Well, I think you’re hot too. Yes, we can move on now.”

  Wait…did he just say he thinks I’m hot? Does he need his eyes checked? I was still processing his comment when he continued. “I have two younger sisters, my mom and dad are still together after thirty-five years of marriage, I have an English bulldog named Tank, and I’m in the middle of a divorce with my first love.”

  “Sorry about the divorce.” I said quietly.

  Spencer shrugged his shoulders. “It happens. People grow apart.”

  I nodded in agreement. I knew that better than anyone.

  Chapter Fifteen

  The next month went by smoothly on the set. Spencer and I ate lunch in his trailer every day, just getting to know one another. So far I’ve learned that he played baseball in high school, he loves the beach, and his first acting job was a commercial for a canned meat company.

  I’ve started to come up with my “new past”. I’ve told Spencer that my first job was babysitting the neighbor’s children, I was a cheerleader in high school, and my first kiss was at age thirteen. A few times I’ve wished that I could tell Spencer about me…well, the real me. I hated lying to him, but I knew I didn’t have any other option. I’m starting to find myself thinking of him more and more. I enjoy the time I spend with him probably more than I should. He makes me smile and laugh. It feels so good to feel happiness again, it’s been so long. I catch myself staring at him sometimes, but in return, I have also caught him looking at me too. We haven’t spent any time together outside of work since that night he came to the apartment asking me to come back to work. Sometimes I secretly wish he would just stop by. These thoughts thrill me and scare me all at the same time. I can feel myself falling for him. It’s easy. Simple. Effortless. I’m doing my best to keep those thoughts out of my head. I’m terrified to let myself fall for someone again. I’m starting to gain independence for the first time as an adult and find out who I really am. As much as I would like to get to know Spencer on a more intimate level, I can’t. I refuse to let myself get into the same situation as before. For the first time in my life, I’m putting myself first.

  I haven’t told Ryleigh about my feelings towards Spencer. She has warned me several times to be cautious around him. Ry and I are starting to get closer; I don’t want her to get mad at me for liking Spencer, especially after her warning. She’s been taking me into downtown Vancouver, showing me around the city. I’m still not crazy about this cold and damp weather, but I guess it’s not as bad as I originally
thought. I’m beginning to settle into this new life, but thoughts of my past still haunt me.

  I’ve gotten two emails from Detective Taylor since I’ve arrived here in Canada. The first one was just checking up on me, making sure that Ryleigh is being a good hostess. The second one was an update on my family. That one was tough to read. He told me that Mama and Daddy just came back from a long weekend trip to the coast. Mama loved the beach; Daddy could deal without the sand. I smiled at the memories of our family trips to the beach and how Pres and I would purposely put sand in Daddy’s shoes just to aggravate him. Detective Taylor said that Pres finally proposed to Emma. They’ve been dating since his freshman year of college. I really liked Emma, and I’m heartbroken that I won’t be present to see my brother get married. I asked Ryleigh if she gets updates from Taylor about her family. She said she does occasionally, but not as often as she used to. I’m glad he’s keeping an eye on them, it’s good to know they’re okay.

  Yesterday the cast had a long table read, so Ryleigh and I had the day off. We spent our day decorating the condo for Christmas. Thanksgiving was next week, but Ryleigh would be going to the Caribbean with Collin and his family over the holiday. She told me that Collin started the tradition of taking her on his holiday vacations with his family once she became his assistant. Like me, she had to tell him she doesn’t have a family, so the O’Neil’s have adopted her into theirs. I tried telling her several times it was a great sign that he was taking her on family vacations, but she just rolls her eyes.

  Putting up the Christmas tree with Ryleigh was bittersweet. I’m thankful that I have her in my life; she’s made this adjustment so much easier. I was happy to start a new tradition of decorating with my new friend but I was depressed, too. I had to wipe away a few stubborn tears a time or two. Memories began to flood back of Christmases growing up; Mama and I stringing popcorn for the tree while Pres and Daddy ate more popcorn than we strung, Daddy cursing because the strings of lights always were tangled in knots every year, Mama’s chocolate chip cookies, Pres moaning on the floor because he ate too many of Mama’s cookies, and Christmas mornings. I miss Christmas mornings at home the most. Pres and I always ran down the stairs together in the morning in the new pajamas Mama gave us on Christmas Eve. Daddy would already be downstairs with a cup of coffee in his hand and Mama always had cinnamon buns waiting on us. Of course the gifts were fun, especially when we were kids, but I miss the four of us sitting in the living room around the tree laughing, talking and just spending time together. This year I would be spending Thanksgiving and Christmas alone, and I’m sure this holiday season will be rough for me.

  Spencer was already in his trailer when I arrived at 7:15. Yes, 7:15 IN THE MORNING. He texted me last night asking me to come in early. “Good morning Kel!” He exclaimed.

  Alright…who is this and what has he done with Spencer? “Good morning…” I said slowly.

  I noticed he had donuts and coffee on the table. I started getting really concerned. “Is everything ok?” I asked.

  His green eyes were brighter than usual this morning, his smile was wide. He stood up off the couch, walking over to me. “Guess who is officially single? We settled yesterday, I’m a free man!” He picked me up and spun me around.

  I giggled as he sat me down. “Good for you Spencer. I’m happy that you can move on.”

  He smiled, his arms still around my waist. I could feel my heart beating faster with him this close. What is he doing?

  “I’m happy I can move on, too.” His attention was on my lips. Oh no. He can’t kiss me. Does he even want to kiss me? If he kisses me I’m done for. I had to think of something to change the subject, and quick.

  “So why did you call me here so early?” I asked with a yawn. I walked out of his embrace and over to the table full of donuts and coffee. I grabbed a donut and grabbed water out of his refrigerator. I hate coffee. I can’t see how anyone can drink it.

  Spencer scratched the back of his neck, looking a little nervous. “Um…well…” He started looking around the room, and then his eyes grew wide. “I need to go over my script for this week’s show. I wanted you to run lines with me.” He picked up two copies of the script and handed me one.

  A small pang of disappointment filled my chest, and I’m not sure why. I know that I can’t have him the way that I want, so it should just make it easier on me that he isn’t interested…right?

  “Alright, what scene do you want to go over?”

  He flipped through the script until he found what he was looking for. “Ah, here we go. Page ninety-two. This scene is when Christine’s character feels like our characters are drifting apart. Ready?”

  I nodded, finding the page.

  “What the hell is wrong with you, Angel? You’ve been so uptight this weekend.” He had so much passion in his voice even when rehearsing.

  It was hot.

  I started to read the lines after his. “Like you don’t know.”

  Spencer looked up at me, frowning. “Really? You need to play the part. Get frustrated, get angry. I need you to have some emotion behind it for me to get the feel for it.”

  “Okay.” I cleared my throat. “Like you don’t know.” I said in a disgusted tone.

  “Better.” Spencer smiled. “I have no freaking idea Angel. One minute you’re up, the next you’re down. I can’t deal with your mood swings. You need to tell me what’s wrong.”

  “I feel like I’m losing you, Matt.”

  Spencer grabbed my hand. I looked down at it, then back to him. Noticing my confusion, he smiled. “It says for me to grab your hand. Keep going.”

  “Uh…Oh, here we are. ‘I feel like I’m losing you, Matt. You go away with your family on these secret conquests or whatever it is you’re doing and leave me here alone for weeks at a time. I miss you. I miss us.’”

  Before I could read the next line to myself, Spencer’s hands were palming my cheeks. He brought his lips to mine, slightly hesitating before covering my mouth with his. I wasn’t sure what to do. I tried to pull away, but he held me tighter against him.

  That was all the signal I needed.

  I grabbed his face, kissing him deeper. He moaned into my mouth, pulling me into his lap. My mind was blurred, I knew this shouldn’t be happening, but it felt so right. Spencer’s arms wrapped around my waist, holding me close to him as he continued to kiss me with more passion than I have ever been the recipient of. I started feeling things I haven’t felt in so long; I wanted him to touch me more, I wanted him to kiss me in other places, I wanted him to make love to me. I haven’t had sexual desires in so long, not since…

  I quickly pulled away, standing up and walking across the living area. My heart was beating so fast that I felt like I just ran a marathon. I put my hands on my knees, looking over to Spencer. He smirked at me. “Does that feel like you’re losing me?”

  I stopped breathing. “What?”

  Spencer laughed loudly, sinking against the couch cushions. “That’s my next line, ‘Does that feel like you’re losing me?’”

  Oh my god.

  He was acting.

  I’m mortified.

  “OH. Yeah, of course. Um, let me see.” I said, grabbing my script. Spencer grabbed my hand, but I refused to look at him.

  “Kel, look at me.” He said quietly.

  I ignored him, reading the next line. “Hmm…I guess not.” My voice was shaky. I was trying to hide my obvious disappointment, but it wasn’t working well. I’m being ridiculous. I shouldn’t be disappointed. I shouldn’t have these feelings at all.

  He pulled me down on the couch, turning my face towards him. I felt angry tears forming in the back of my eyes, but I refused to let him see me cry. “Kel, the kiss was in the script-“

  “I know.” I interrupted, giving him a fake smile. I tried to stand up but he pulled my hips back down to the couch.

  “No, you don’t understand. It was in the script, but-“

  “Spencer, I get it. It was in the script,
so you just went with it. Whatever, it’s fine.”

  He gave me a frustrated glare. “Damn it Kelsey, listen to me. It was in the script, but I chose this scene on purpose. I wanted to kiss you. I’ve wanted to kiss you since I first met you. But I’m a fucking coward. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve kissed someone other than my ex-wife? Over ten years. I have no idea how this damn dating thing goes. I used a stupid scene from the show to get you to kiss me. I told myself that I wouldn’t kiss you until my divorce was finalized. I’ve wanted to do that for weeks, Kel. I didn’t want to mess it up, but obviously I have.”

  OH MY GOD.

  This isn’t happening. Those words didn’t come out of his mouth. My heart was beating a mile per minute. I’m sure he could hear it.

  “Kelsey, what are you thinking? You kissed me back, so I think you liked it…right?” He looked panicked.

  “Yeah, I did like it.” I said quietly.

  A small smile touched his lips. “Ok, so why are you quiet right now? Talk to me. Are you offended?”

  I sighed, shaking my head. “I’m not offended at all, Spencer. I’m confused, I guess. I haven’t been kissed like that in a really, really, REALLY long time. I know you’ve been out of the dating scene for a long time, but I can’t be someone you just want to mess around with when it suits you. You’re going to be out dating so many women, and I can’t handle being ‘just another girl.’ I’ve been through a lot you don’t know about. I can’t handle it. That can’t happen again.”

  “What makes you think that I’ll be dating all these people?” he asked.

  I shrugged. “Don’t you want to take some time for you? I mean, you were with your wife for so long, don’t you want to live the single life before dating again?”

  “To be honest, my wife and I haven’t been together for a while. We’ve been separated for almost a year and a half, but she finally filed for divorce late last year. I stayed faithful until the very end. So I’ve had the single life, I’ve had me time, and I’ve had time to evaluate what I need in my life. I need a partner in crime, someone who wants to have fun with me, lets me be myself, takes care of me and lets me take care of them. I haven’t been interested in anyone until the day I met you. Like I’ve told you before, you’re different. I don’t know what it is, but for some reason I can’t ignore the fact that I feel like I need to be around you whenever I can. I want more with you. I want to try with you.”